The Money Healing Podcast

#33: How I Stopped Being Scared of Money!

September 06, 2023 Nadine Zumot Season 1 Episode 33
The Money Healing Podcast
#33: How I Stopped Being Scared of Money!
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever felt the weight of money-related fear? 

Like a dark cloud, it can hover and seep into various aspects of our lives- our relationships, our work, our levels of enjoyment, our sense of worth and self esteem.

Totally not conducive to the F*CK YES kinda lifestyle you are after! 

In this week's episode, I share with the step-by-step journey that took me from complete money fear, to an abundant, yummy, zesty lifestyle. 

I break down the exact steps so that you can too experience the lightness and elation of being unburdened by money fear. 

Episode highlights:

  • How to navigate the received messages from our past aabout money and our worth.
  • How your negative money habits are well intended and can be repatterned.
  • Why I recommend to do the work around healing BEFORE diving into financial education. 
  • What a holistica financial education actually looks like! 

I hope you love this episode and find it helpful! 

xx Nadine

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Speaker 1:

Hey, hey, how's it going? Welcome back to the Money Healing Podcast. I am your host, nadine Zarmott, offering you tips and tricks on how to make money less scary today. So I was out sitting in the sun enjoying this beautiful, peaceful day, and I was reflecting back on back in the day when I used to be so scared of money. I honestly could not relax and open up to life. I always had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that was haunting me and overwhelming me. It's like money was like you know the curfew. It was like the parent that I had to always please and make sure that I abide by the rules, right? So I thought to myself, why don't I create an episode talking about what works best for me, what helped me get rid of the money scaries? So if you are someone who desires to sink your teeth into the deliciousness of life, but money keeps you worried, it keeps you anxious, it keeps you playing small, it keeps you oppressed, then not to worry. Have your journal and let's get cracking. So welcome to the Money Healing Podcast. I'm your hostess, nadine Zommat, and I am a spiritual money mentor, a trauma-informed money coach. I don't know what else am I. I'm a bunch of other things. I'm a manifesting generator as well, and today I am so excited to talk to you about how to make money less scary because, honestly, it shouldn't be. However, mentally, we all know that money is just a piece of paper or like a piece of plastic, because you know it's 2023 and we're all like hip over here. But even though it's a piece of plastic or a piece of paper or whatever, we all know that it's a little bit deeper than that. What makes money scary in the first place? So money is actually scary because no one taught us about it. It is safe to assume, myself included, that none of us out there received a proper financial education in elementary or in high school. But what if I told you that I currently have three one-on-one clients who majored in finance and two long-term clients in my money coaching program who are CPAs? And if you're not from the States or you don't know what that is, that means a certified accountant. So that alone is evidence that money is way deeper than mathematics. And also, money is such a taboo subject. That's why it's scary. We're scared of taboo subjects. So like look at the internet. People would much rather talk about their sex lives and their orgasms and all that stuff, rather than going in and saying exactly how they were able to purchase their first property, for example. And a lot of us are scared of money because we are actually scared of feeling the intense and heavy emotions that are attached to it. We all have some form of shame and blame and guilt when it comes to money, and money is also scary because it is also a direct reflection of our unhealed wounds. So the short answer is to make money less scary. We need to heal our money wounds and, yes, healing our money wounds definitely comes. Before diving into financial education or financial literacy programs, let me tell you why. When you're scared, you cannot concentrate and focus on anything, you cannot absorb or take in new information. Your emotions and your fear is in the way and these emotions and the fear, they can cloud your judgment and they can make your learning difficult. And if you were to create from that energy, your creation will be out of reaction, not out of alignment. And, like I said before, being scared of money is not a question of cleverness. I said that before many, many times in the previous podcast episodes. So being scared of money or not knowing what to do with money is not a question of how clever or talented you are. I know for a fact that you are very clever, very smart and very, very talented, so that's not where we're going with this question. The question is it's a question of emotions, it's a question of the fears. That is why we need to look at these emotions first. And what actually? What are the emotions that come up that are tied to money? So when money is tied to your sense of worth, your sense of freedom, your survival, your sense of acceptance and belonging, of Course it's going to stir up some intense emotions for you when the topic comes up or when you need to deal with it, and when you need to pay for something, or when, even when you need to, when you not need to, but when you earn it, especially if you have made Money mistakes in the past. So what happens is you either avoid it like the plague or you obsess about it, or a combination of both. So this is why we first have to deal with the emotions and the meaning that we have given to money Due to our past wounding and our past conditioning around it. So where do you begin? Where do you begin healing? It all begins in childhood. Of course, all begins in childhood. We absorbed a lot of information in childhood, Inside the educational systems and in our, in our family systems as well. We were taught, whether directly or indirectly. We were taught, that money is hard. Money is to be feared. Only the talented and the ultra worthy are worthy of it. We need to be Good or else will be a failure. We shouldn't spend it all at once. Work hard and do everything in your power to get good grades, because that's what you'll need to get into a good college, because that what you're gonna need to pay off your college debt and that's that's what you're gonna need to get a good job. You know, it's like this whole like do everything, get good grades, go to a good uni, get a good job so you can pay it, pay for it and to survive. And Also, like we are taught, like when you get a good job and work really hard, make sure that you prove yourself. And, of course, save, save, save and avoid spending at all costs. And we all know by now that this kind of mindset is leaving us financially, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. Money is scary because we never learned about it. Money is scary because it feels like there will never be enough of it. Money is scary because we've seen our parents struggle with it and fight about it. Money is scary because our well-being and our happiness depends on it. Money is scary because financial jargon feels overwhelming and old and archaic. Money is scary because it feels out of your control. Let me tell you one more reason why money could feel like it's this big scary thing, and it's a reason you probably haven't thought of before. Money might feel scary to you because following the rules of finance and money Means less or even no freedom. It means no more fun. It means Adulting, when you have probably done that all your life. So many of me included, so many of my clients, have had big responsibilities, even when they were children, because they've had to help their parents take care of their siblings they had a long list of chores that they had to complete or because, you know, they were their mother's unofficial, unofficial therapist or emotional support person. So what happens? That once we become adults and stop making our own money, we have this desire to make up for our childhood, the desire to play, to enjoy life, and that is why, when we think about becoming good at money air quotes here. We feel like we are again still robbing ourselves from play and from desire and from curiosity. And perhaps money is scary for you because it means facing harsh realities about your past or about your current financial situation, or perhaps about your future. And let me tell you this Honestly you are not broken. You make sense, whatever you feel about money or whatever money makes you feel about yourself. When you look at your finances in a holistic way and I'll show you how to do that later in this episode you are gonna see how you actually make sense, how, yes, money is a loaded topic and it's not your, your fault that you feel this way. Because it is loaded, it is scary. But look at your life more holistically, as opposed to Money being this like separate thing, the separate, like energy in your life. Look at it from the whole, like view of your life from the beginning, from your childhood, and you'll see why you react and you feel the way that you react and you feel towards money. Money used to scare the shit out of me too. I used to feel like I needed money's permission to be happy. I needed money's permission to relax. I felt like I wasn't control of my life. I felt like money controlled me. I've had times in my life where money was super tight and times where money was actually really abundant, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter. My feelings about it were the same. I was scared of it, regardless of how much money was coming in or how much money was going out. So I you know how I was saying, like you, either obsess about money or you avoid it altogether. I was team A. I used to obsess over my budget. I did everything in my power to cut down my expenses as much as I could and I only bought the bare necessities, but I judged myself for even having needs. It was like, you know, I put money on this pedestal, like I shouldn't like this, this holy thing that I couldn't touch because it just really like I'm dictated my worth, like if I have it I'm worthy, if I don't, I'm not. If I have it I'm good and I'm happy, if it's gone, I'm not. You know how conditional is that. That is not freedom invoking at all. Paying for bills was like torture. Every time I had to pay a bill, it felt like I was you're torturing myself. It was so painful. I spent so much time and energy looking for bargains at shops and buying the cheapest, shittiest version of everything. I was so exhausted and I was constantly checking my budget. Oh my God, I used to check my budget like five times a day and I teach my clients to look at their bank accounts daily just to make sure that everything is okay, there's no fraud. You know all these like daily checks or like maybe two or three times a week, but no, no, no me. Back in the day when I was scared of money, I checked my bank account over 10 times a day, y'all. It was just so oppressive. And the worst thing and this is so hard to admit and if you're my personal friend, you probably will have a little bit of a chuckle because I used to be so stingy, even when I had money. I so hated that about myself and I have shame around how stingy I used to be. And I really like to bring in the archetypes when I talk about money, when I talk about money especially if I'm podcast coaching, because I really think about my podcast episodes as like these master classes, because I give a lot of the things that I would give my clients through these podcasts. It's a really cool way to look at our relationship with money. It's through the lens of the eight money archetypes, and these are the archetypes that my mentor, deborah Price. She created them, I think, like 20, 30 years ago, and she taught me how to use them. I love, love, love using the archetypes and I use them as a tool in many different areas of my life and in in like the. The archetype that caused me to be stingy and caused me to be financially obsessed is is the tyrant archetype, and the tyrant archetype is actually a protector. Okay, it is. It has this like outwardly, outwardly, outwardly, like on the outside it looks like it's a saboteur, like it's a sabotaging archetype. However, when we look closer and we start asking coaching questions, we see that it is actually a protector and this stinginess and money obsession is a way for that part of me to protect me. So if you haven't listened to, if you don't know what I'm talking about when I talk about the eight money archetypes, go and listen to episode 29. I really recommend that you do that, because in that episode I break down each archetype and I teach you how to use them and also I teach you what the real intentions of your sabotaging money patterns are, through the lens of these archetypes and I also teach you or show you how to stop these archetypes, aka your self-sabotaging patterns and beliefs, from standing in the way between you and your money goals. So go and listen to episode number 29. So, with this money obsession, that was the doing of my inner tyrant archetype and with the tyrant money archetype, the intention, like I said, is a protective intention and the stinginess and the obsession was a protection from me running out of money. Because, in my mind, if I pay for things, money will run out, even when I had a job right, even when I had a job and it felt really secure in my head is that when I pay for things, money is not going to come back, it's just going to go one way through expenses and it would escalate to me finding myself without money, meaning without a home, meaning I am alone and I am forgotten. And I feel like I feared that sequence of events being alone and forgotten more than I ever feared death on its own, like I feared that more than death and my money, fears and my financial behaviors were rooted in my abandonment wounds and that is one of the most common unresolved emotional wounds that I help my clients overcome, of course, after I help myself first, of course you know. So how did this feeling go away? First, let's be honest, this feeling is always here. It's just that it doesn't drive the bus anymore, right? So the money fear, I still have it. It's still there. I do get these niggly voices or these like niggly sensations of like oh what if it never comes back? However, the difference is is that it's less frequent, it's less debilitating. When it happens, it's less loud and I have the effective tools to manage it when it crops up. So before it used to crop up for like $20 or $30. Now it crops up for bigger amounts of money and when it does, I have the tools to manage it so that I lead myself and I don't allow that wound to lead me. So I'm going to teach you some of those tools here, because I know how money fear can rob you from the joy of life. So here's how you start. This is gonna sound harsh, but stick with me, because there is a very good reason why I'm going to mention this to you. So, as harsh as this sounds, I want you first to acknowledge and become very clear on how your money fear is holding you back in life Not just in life, but in love, in adventures, in how you feel about yourself, how you feel about your worth and all of that. So how is this money fear affecting your non-financial aspect of your life, your worth, your adventures, your degree of joy, your degree of presence in your day-to-day life, and how this fear? I want you to also reflect on how this fear can actually be the real reason you are unable to manifest more or create a better income. Because I find that a lot of times, people who want more money they are if they want more money, but they are scared of receiving more money because they don't trust themselves with managing it properly because of that fear. So, first and foremost, get very clear on that. This is not about shoving the knife where it hurts. This is about you connecting with your deeper why? Because, as humans, we only take action when we are in pain. Second and this is something people learn the hard and expensive way, and I'm giving you this lesson here for free money fear is a symptom of a money wound. Therefore, recognizing that more money will not remove your money wounds, therefore, more money will not alleviate your money fear is a million-dollar lesson for you, because if you have a wound from money, more money will just increase your wounds. Okay, let me be clear on that. A lot of people believe that once they make more money, they will feel less scared of it. Yes, more money is important to reach our survival levels, to put food on the table and keep the roof over our heads and, you know, remain clothed and warm and all of that stuff. However, when we talk beyond that, if you still have fear and anxiety, more money is going to alleviate, it's going to make the anxiety and the fear worse. It's not going to alleviate, it's not going to remove it. Because if you're stressed about managing a few thousand dollars, how will you feel if you are given double that amount? The stress is just going to double. So many people get majorly disappointed when they are finally making more money, thinking they will start feeling better about themselves and about money, only to feel, only to realize actually, that the opposite of that is true. I'm not saying make less money. What I'm saying is you need to start healing. Healing your money wounds starts at the very beginning. It starts from your childhood, like we covered earlier in this episode. Excuse me, become aware of what you directly and indirectly learned about money when you were a child. You can do that by writing your money memory, starting chronologically from the age of three or four onwards, so your earliest money memory onwards. So from that you can start asking yourself how your past is informing your present relationship with money. Compare certain memories with your present day patterns. But also remember that healing is not a blame game. It's about understanding your origins to make more informed decisions going forward that are based on compassion and understanding your history and why you are the way you are. That is why we do this exercise, and also finding out your most active and passive money archetypes is a great shortcut for you to find out the secret and the subconscious motivations behind your financial behaviors, especially if you are doing the money healing journey on your own. The money archetypes they can shed so much light. So it's not just the active ones, but your passive money archetypes can show you what your hidden subconscious motivations are when it comes to money. You could do the quiz for free on my website, and I do have a little e-book that you can also download through the show notes that can help you on your journey. So why do you think I mentioned healing before mentioning financial education, because financial education does have a role to play in this. So, going back to the beginning of the episode, we saw how even people who are very financially educated, people who've majored in finance, people who help people with their finances as accountants, still have money wounds. We can see how it is so important to heal first and then educate. That's why, in my program, create fulfilling abundance, we do healing work first and then the financial systems come in second. So I do love talking about money healing, but when you try to educate yourself before healing, we might have the tendency to override or bypass our money wounds. Therefore we won't learn a thing and nothing will stick. So in nervous system speak. If you're a nervous system nerd, like I am, if you have a money wound, then when you think about money, when you talk about money, when you handle money, when you receive money, when you pay for something with money or even when you read about money, your nervous system will become highly activated, meaning money is signaling danger or threat to your nervous system. So you automatically lose access to your critical thinking brain, which is part of your survival mechanism. But you do need your critical thinking brain if you are trying to educate yourself. So we focus on healing first, so that we become aware of our history and we begin cultivating an understanding of why our nervous system reacts the way it does when it comes to finances. And when we learn more about that, we will learn how to soothe our nervous system so we are able to create a money plan from a place of alignment, not from a place of reactivity. And after that we start looking at financial education. And when I say this, of course, when I talk about financial strategies, financial education, it sounds boring. Financial concepts are boring and I worked in accounting myself for many, many, many years and that even makes me cringe. Like if you tell me, read a book on finances, I'll be like fuck. No, I don't want to do that, because what you would normally find in a financial education or a financial literary literacy resource is how to budget, how to track your spending, how to make sure your bills are paid on time, how to cut back on spending and how to increase your savings, how to create emergency funds, how to calculate your savings rate, your net worth, the credit score, debt payoff, how to increase your income, how to even create a will and all that stuff. And yeah, that's cool, but they're boring. Honestly, what I would teach you as a student, or what I actually teach my students when it comes to financial literacy, is what I call an inside out approach, meaning that their finances are controlled and planned by their soul, their values and their purpose, as opposed to having our like. When we look at finances as they are taught traditionally, it becomes an outside in approach, where our lives and what we want and what we do is actually controlled and governed by our budget. So an inside out approach is when we become clear on who we are and what we want in life and we clear our wounds so that we don't manifest from our wounds, and that is the blueprint on which we create a financial plan, and not the other way around, where we're succumbing or we're being oppressed by a plan that was created from a place of like not us, not our authentic selves. So what I would teach is the bucket system, and there's a lot of teachings about the bucket system out there, but I love the way I teach it. I've been using it for 19 years now. I would also teach how to align your spending with your soul's desires and your values. I would also teach you how to create a financial, a quarterly financial snapshot, ways to heal debt shame, so you don't keep cycling back to debt after you pay it off. And I would also teach you how to build healthy boundaries, so you don't waste your resources, your time, your energy, your money on things that are no longer aligned with you, because it's a rather small act. Regardless if you're spiritual or not, you're evolving and you're growing right. So that's what I would teach you instead of outdated financial jargon, and it would be so, so like it would be so fun to learn these things. It's a very effective method as well, because my clients are happy and they're able to pay off their debt. They're debt-free, they're able to save money. They're able to save and spend money on things that turn them on. Speaking of savings, sometimes we are scared of money for a real reason, so, please I would just wanna leave you with this note Consider building an emergency fund. Have that system in place, even if it starts with like 10, 20 or $30. If you can spare that much, even if it starts with $5 a month, that creating that system will give you a lot of peace of mind, because it's better to start small than to think that you have to be perfect. Okay, perfection is an illusion. Having your finances being perfect is something that you can aspire to, but I really recommend you don't, because perfectionism can actually prevent your financial progress. So the best way sometimes is to just start somewhere and to start small, and usually, when we are scared of the monster that's under the bed, all we need to do is turn the light on, look under the bed and either confront the monster or show ourselves that there's no monster in the first place. Same goes for money. Look at your finances, look at your income, look at your expenses, see where you can cut back if you need to. See if there are expenses that are unnecessary or out of alignment with your sole purpose and your values. And sometimes, when we actually start looking at our finances, we realize that we're doing way better than we thought we were. I'll have a lot of clients that come to me dreading looking at their numbers, but after we do even before we do any work they realize that they are doing way better than they thought that they're doing. So it doesn't need to be a drag. You can make it fun. You can make it into this fun ritual and I also say like to make this sustainable, like I said earlier, it needs to come from within you. It can't be like this death sentence of like, oh I have to like follow this budget just to be good at money and be like, responsible. Make it into a fun thing where it is a reflection of who you are, a reflection of your purpose, a reflection of your values and to make it more sustainable. I really recommend that you schedule a regular money date into your diary and commit to it. Okay, so, at the middle of the month, beginning of the month, make sure that you schedule an hour, maybe more, maybe less, however you feel is appropriate for you, and make it fun. Bring in a drink, bring in a cup of coffee, bring in chocolates, play some music, enjoy, like looking at your progress and, you know, look at things with compassion and involve your partner if appropriate, or even your kids. So, yeah, money doesn't need to be a drag. Money can be a holistic spiritual practice that enhances and facilitates the life of your dreams, and not the other way around. If you are interested in joining any of my programs, then fill out the form that is in the show notes to get on the wait list and if this episode was helpful for you, then share it with your siblings, share it with your friends, share it with your clients and don't forget to leave a five-star review. I will love you and leave you and see you next week, ciao.

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