Struggling with a spending habit that leaves you feeling trapped?
Yearning for a way to manage your money without feeling suffocated?
In this week’s episode, I answer this question that was sent to me by one of my audience members through offering both practical and energetic insights to help establish better and healthier boundaries around spending.
You will learn:
If you're using shopping and spending as a coping mechanism for deeper emotional wounds, I would highly recommend consulting with a therapist, or a trauma-informed money mentor or coach. You can book a session with me by using this link.
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Hello, hello, welcome back to the Money Healing Podcast. This is your host, nadine Zarmott. If you are new here, hello and welcome. I am a holistic money coach, an intuitive guide and a spiritual money mentor. So today, on this episode, I will be answering a question that was sent to me from one of my audience members. The question is how do I create boundaries around my spending without feeling suffocated? Of course, I got this question at the same time as I was preparing a lesson from my program Create Fulfilling Abundance, and the lesson is about how to create trauma-informed financial boundaries. And if you are doing this kind of work as long as I have been you stop seeing things as a coincidence and you just see things as like, yep, we're in alignment, it's time to talk about this stuff. So, again, the question is how do I create boundaries around my spending without feeling suffocated? So if that is something that you are struggling with, if this is something that you are asking yourself, if you are trying to create boundaries around your spending, but you are feeling suffocated, I would start questioning first why are you feeling like you need boundaries? Are you spending too much? Or is your income not high enough for your lifestyle? Or maybe not as true, and you are just being judgmental on yourself for even wanting to spend. Because here's the thing old school teachings teach us that spending money on anything that is outside our needs is bad, and new age teachings tell us that we can spend and spend and spend and we can just manifest more. Just like that, it will fall into your lap, disaffirm it. So neither is wrong. However, my approach is about being holistic and asking bigger questions, but also my teachings are about the happy middle, the healthy balance between the magic and the logic. So please, let's just begin this episode by saying spending money is not bad. Money is there to facilitate your purpose, to facilitate your time here on earth and your legacy. It's like you know, when you travel to a foreign country and you need to exchange your dollars for Yen's, and that's what you use, that's what you are using in that specific country to enjoy your time there. That is exactly what it's like. You're a spiritual being on a journey here on earth and that is the currency that is used here on earth, and that's why you need to understand the energy of money. That's just as simple as that. So let me start off by sharing a practical answer with you. Have you heard of the 50-25-25 method? If not, that is a great way to kind of not budget but to create boundaries without feeling suffocated, because your spending will just be a percentage of your income. So the 50-25-25% method is pretty much when you allocate let's say you make $1,000 a month Okay, I'm just using this for a very simple example so that I can do quick maths in my head. So if you're making $1,000 a month, then 50% of that, so $500 would go towards your obligations, your rent, your mortgage, your car payments, your bills, your electricity, whatever and your debt payoff, and then the rest is divided into $250 towards your savings. So that goes automatically towards savings. You're doing the right thing by yourself, you're paying yourself, and then $250 will go towards whatever you want. Okay, so that is the 50-25-25 method, which is pretty much a percentage of your income. So if you're finding that your obligations are exceeding 50% of your income, this is where I would say try to either decrease your expenses or increase your income. Okay, so you're making sure that your obligations and your savings are met and fulfilled. Then the rest of the money is for you to play with, so you can spend it as you wish, without feeling guilty or bad, and that is what I would consider a practical way of creating healthy boundaries around your spending that is not suffocating. However, I'm going to take this a step deeper and ask you this If you're feeling that you are needing boundaries around your spending, then I would like to just know and I don't know, that's for you to know, obviously when is that money going? Are you feeling like you need boundaries around what you're spending money on, rather than how much you're spending? Because if you're spending money and you're still feeling like empty, guilty, like there's a void, then perhaps your money is going towards things that do not light you up, things that are not supporting your growth and evolution. Because for me, after doing years and years of healing, I now feel like when I spend money, it's first in alignment with my values, because I'm very clear on what my values are. But also, when I spend money, I feel like this delicious, yummy feeling of like fuck, yes, this money is going towards what's helping me grow and evolve, but it wasn't like that before. I used to spend money and would feel like what am I doing? This feels icky. I would come home after a spending spree or I would close my computer after buying things online whether it's a program or whether it's like clothes or shoes or whatever and if I'm feeling an emotional void, I would just know that I was spending to fill an emotional void and it's not really in alignment. So if you are spending your money in a way that's making you feel depleted, then perhaps you are spending to fill a void or because you are feeling like you're not good enough. Another question is what is happening in your life right now? Are you spending money to blow off steam? Are you stressed? Are you feeling underappreciated? Are you feeling unfulfilled? Are you feeling empty? Because your finances, they're a manifestation or a direct translation of your personal wellbeing. When we spend too much, it's because something is not right within us. So if your spending is just a coping mechanism, then I would say look at your life, look at what is actually creating that habit and start healing at the root. Start looking at the root of the spending. If it's stress, how can you create less stress in your life? If you're tired and you're just spending because you're throwing money at the problem, meaning you come home and you're too tired to cook or you're too depleted to cook, you end up ordering takeaway or going out to eat. Is that where your money is going? Because, if so, how can you create systems where you are sleeping better, or that your hours are different? Or maybe you can batch-coat during the weekend so that when you come home, all you need to do is chuck the food in the microwave that you've already cooked a couple of days ago? So if that is the case, then I would go to the root. And then the other question is if you are trying to fill a void in your life, if you're feeling unappreciated, or perhaps the work that you're doing or the people you're spending time with are making you feel depleted and unfulfilled. That is a deeper question you need to ask yourself. And here's the third layer of the answer Is, of course, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I'm answering this question with questions. You know why? Because I believe that your wisdom is within you. Like, my questions are designed to help you reconnect with the wisdom that is inside of you, because you know what's best for you more than anyone else, and the quality of your healing journey is determined by the quality of the questions that you ask yourself. And that's why, when people come to me. I don't just ask them questions, I just guide them back into their inner wisdom, and sometimes the inner wisdom we can't hear it because of the wounding. So if your spending is coming from a money wound, it would have a flavor of your spending from a place of scarcity, your spending because you're feeling anxious about money. Yes, it's weird, but most of the time when we feel anxious about money we end up spending more money. Or maybe you're spending from the energy of feeling unworthy or not good enough. So if that is you, then I would say that you're spending from a money wound. So a lot of my clients they start making the relatively the best money of their lives and they end up thinking that you know, before they make that good money, they're like, oh, as soon as I start making better money, I'm gonna save. And then the money, the more money comes in and they're like why am I spending more? And when we start digging and unraveling, we find that all the spending is going towards things to kind of like, fill the emotional void of feeling not good enough. So what happens is that perhaps they went to a school where, or they had friends or cousins where people had things that are better quality or more like on trend than they had and they're just, or maybe their parents said no to them a lot. So when the money starts coming in, they spend more money as like YOLO, or like I'll show them that I can buy these things for myself when you didn't do that for me as a child, or Like again throwing money at the problem. So it becomes a way to meet Unmet emotionally needs or to fill emotional voids. So when your money wounds are the leading energy in your life, then you are creating and manifesting your reality from a place of wounding and a place of not enoughness and Not a place of authenticity and power and self leadership. So your money habits can become a way to do to dissociate or a way to self soothe. So if that's you, I Really recommend that you Don't stop spending at the moment. So I'm not telling you to keep spending, especially if it's pretty detrimental to your financial well-being, but to actually go and speak to a holistic money coach or a therapist, or come speak to me if you want, about healing the void, because if there's a child in front of you that is feeling unsafe and the only thing that's helping them feel safe is this blanky and we just rip the blanky away from them, they're just going to be screaming and wailing and feeling worse. So if shopping at the moment or spending is your blanky and you just rip it away from you, it's just gonna show up in other parts of your life, okay. So please, if you are spending in a way to dissociate or self-soothe, please speak to someone that can help you go deeper, to help you heal these money wounds, because your spending would be coming from money wounds and having boundaries is not the solution, because when you heal from the root, you will not need these boundaries. Okay, another cool little tool that you can use is the eight money archetypes. I've spoken about them before in this podcast. So each archetype has a distinct energy and a positive intention when it's the leading energy of your finances, even if these intentions may seem like self-sabotage at times. So I would go down to the show notes and download the free workbook and find out more about these archetypes and go do the quizzes on my website and then ask yourself what flavor or what energy or what archetype is actually leading the spending. Okay, because if it's the innocent archetype that's the main archetype that you have then perhaps you are spending because the innocent a part of you, a younger part of you, does not feel safe to have money in your savings account. If it's the victim archetype, perhaps you're spending because you don't feel worthy of having the money in your savings account. Perhaps, if it's the martyr, it's because you want to put everybody ahead of you so you feel like you are loved and belonging. That is why you are overspending. If it's from the energy of the fool, that is when you're spending money from a place of like blowing of steam and wanting to live life in the moment and what you need is just to calm down. So in that workbook I outlined these archetypes and I tell you and I pretty much give you self-coaching tips on how to help yourself dissolve and heal that energy in your life so that your spending becomes more and more in alignment. So remember final notes your financial behaviors are just a symptom of what's going on inside of you. So always ask yourself what is my money communicating to me? And if shopping is your blankie at the moment, please schedule a time to talk to me or talk to your trusted therapist or mentor or coach about this. Just make sure that they are trauma informed, because in this situation, the last thing you want is a budget. So please feel free to send through any questions that you have. I mean, there's a lot of times where I can give practical answers, like the 50, 25, 25 answer, and sometimes digging deeper is what is required. Sending you lots of love, I hope you have a beautiful day. Bye.