Do you ever feel disconnected from your self-worth and purpose in life?
Join our enlightening conversation with Spiritual Life Coach and Actor, Gemma Dadourian, as we explore the path to self-discovery, healing, and living a fulfilling life. Gemma shares her personal journey of reclaiming her self-worth and the childhood experiences that ignited her passion for empowering others.
In this episode, Gemma shares her intriguing concepts- the giving and receiving cycle. She also provides valuable insights on how understanding and embracing this cycle has significantly impacted her own life and how it can revolutionize yours as well.
We also discuss the role of self-concept, trauma, and the failure of the education system in teaching children about their worth and potential.
Allow Gemma to guide you on a journey of healing and reconnecting with your self-worth to unleash your creative power. We emphasize the importance of finding mentorship and coaching from those who have walked similar paths and can help you navigate the challenges of healing from trauma and rediscovering your true self.
Don't miss this opportunity to learn how love, connection, and understanding of our giving and receiving cycles can lead to incredible personal growth and life-changing opportunities.
Spiritual life coach and actor, Gemma Dadourian is the creator of the "Giving and Receiving Cycle”— a model for understanding the flow of energy and creating prosperity. Her specialty is Self Worth and working with the subconscious mind, believing all people are worthy of creating the life they want.
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Hello and welcome back to the Money Healing Podcast. I'm your host, nadine Zarmott. Today we're going to be talking about self-worth. This topic self-worth has been coming a lot in conversations. It's been coming up in my one-on-one containers with my clients and even inside of my DMs. So I invited one of my good friends and colleague, gemma Dadurian, so we can have an in-depth chat about self-worth. Gemma is a spiritual life coach. She's an actor and the creator of the giving and receiving cycle. Gemma lives for empowering people from all walks of life to create their verified life. Gemma's specialty is self-worth. So I am so thrilled to have her here as a guest on the Money Healing Podcast And I'm really, really excited to expose you all to her beautiful energy and her unique perspective in life. I've met so many people throughout my years here on planet Earth, but no one is quite like Gemma. Welcome, gemma, and thanks for being here and thanks for being so lovely and I love you so much.Speaker 2:
Just saying it out loud It's so good to be here. It's so good to share this space with you, yay.Speaker 1:
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Obviously, I know who you are, but tell our audience who the fuck you are and what you're about.Speaker 2:
Oh my goodness, i am a spiritual life coach. I'm also an actor, but we're more of here in the life coaching realm, so I'll tell you more about that. My specialty is the subconscious mind and self-concept, specifically around self-worth, confidence, finding that inner peace to move forward with your life in a way that honors your giving and receiving cycle.Speaker 1:
Yum, yum. So my favorite question what turns you on in life, gemma, oh okay. Or what turns you on currently in life, you know I mean.Speaker 2:
I'll take the broader approach. What turns me on is teamwork, connectedness, that vibe you get when you're just vibing with another person and it's going great, you're co-creating together and it just feels like oh yeah.Speaker 1:
What does it feel like, Gemma Oh?Speaker 2:
You know the good good.Speaker 1:
The good good, the yummy good. Yeah, yeah, i feel you, oh man. So tell us about the thing. Okay, so let's take a step back and just telling you the audience, and I'm sure everybody knows this, but I am a very big believer that our purpose and okay, forget, great purpose, i know that's such an overused word I believe that our sacred work in life is somehow connected to our childhood and it's connected to the things that we went through, whether they're pleasant or we consider traumatic, because trauma is subjective, right. So how was self-worth and your childhood events and circumstances and the way that you've internalized and interpreted your childhood, how are they connected for you? How did that connection happen?Speaker 2:
For me personally, my life purpose is connectedness. My sacred life purpose is definitely connectedness, and so I found that in the art form of acting when I was very small, and I've gone on this whole journey of oh man, that's impossible, i can't do it, i'm not worthy of it, i am not confident enough to pursue this, with certain traumas that actually happened in adulthood. And now, a little bit farther along from that spot, i've reclaimed who I am and, in that, my sacred life purpose, and that has allowed the film industry to open up to me again in a really cool way, and it's allowed me to find life coaching, which I frickin' love because it's just another form of connectedness and supporting others in connecting to themselves, to others, to their dreams, to all the juiciness.Speaker 1:
Yeah, that's the nice thing about the work that we do is that it's not just our connection to our clients or our audience. It's also giving our people, our clients, audience, whatever you want to call this permission slip to connect within themselves. Oh yeah, so I was just recording this episode yesterday with another mentor of mine and we were talking about how marketing, how business, how all of this stuff is actually just connection, whether I'm conveying a message out there that is clear about the work that I do, so that the people that need my work find me and my message lands on them. It is all a reflection of a connection within myself.Speaker 2:
Yeah, 100%, and the minute that that falls away, that you can't connect, it's normally your nervous system is having some sort of response that's keeping you from that connection. Yeah, so I love what you do specifically.Speaker 1:
NADS, thanks, i love what you do too. That's why you're here And that's what I hired you once upon a time. So mutual respect and love and adoration. So, yeah, just going back to that, it's. A good point that you mentioned here is that when we're in a nervous system response we lack this connection, and the first thing I find is my connection with myself goes. For example, i would have this awesome episode flow for a season for this podcast, for example, and everything feels flowy, everything feels logical, everything feels like it's just like zesty and exactly what needs to come out, and it's connected with whatever downloads I'm getting. But then a moment happens where maybe my subconscious just finds or detects a threat, because it's all a little bit under our consciousness level, right, like we can look at something and say, okay, this is a threat, but we don't know what our new reception meaning, like, what the part of our nervous system that is there to detect threat on a subconscious level, what it's catching up on, what it's like oh, this is threatening Because, as I said earlier, like trauma is subjective. So the first thing that goes for me is my connection with myself. So tell us about how that works with you. How is how does like lack of connection in yourself start or how does it feel and how do you regain that connection through, let's say, maybe nervous system work or maybe connection with something bigger?Speaker 2:
So how I put this into words personally is that, like you can sing it if you want.Speaker 1:
I mean singing is fine Yeah.Speaker 2:
Okay. So how I put this into song personally? No, we're not singing here, it's not a musical right. We're in coaching land, not acting land. So how I would put this into words is that when I start to feel that disconnection, it's two things happen. I'll have some sort of a challenge where I will question myself whether that be because, i don't know, like I'm undervalued by an external force, or internally, i'm undervaluing myself because I didn't live up to some ideal or something like that. So we're going to go with that scenario in my head And then, like mind automatically can start going to this place of like, well, i'm broken in some way and therefore I'm not worthy of happiness, success, love, whatever the thing is Yeah. Yeah, you know, and then? so so what does mind do? It stops, it stands still. Stop taking action, stop your giving and receiving cycle, stop moving with life, or speed up, start taking action as fast as I can to sprint through the discomfort of living, and most of the actions that are then taken at that time are things that aren't in alignment with value, with your specific values or, in this case, my specific values, or I can go into that space of becoming very careful and only taking pre-approved actions. Pre-approved actions So like in my life that would look like. Well, this is how everyone in the film industry has done this before, so that's obviously what I have to do as well. Dear God, no, this is what you're supposed to do, or you know what you're you know that inner voice sounds like Yeah, upity, upity.Speaker 1:
You know hoity, hoity, whatever accent, yeah, i see.Speaker 2:
Yeah, or the more common one for me, which is the great old indecision.Speaker 1:
Wait, there's this option, and that option and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.Speaker 2:
But like also that indecision, I don't know any Turns into me fighting with myself.Speaker 1:
So the fight response too.Speaker 2:
Yeah. And so obviously you're catching on all of this Like it's just the different fight, fight, freeze on. But what's happening in all of that? the over-occurring pattern is that like I'm taking unaligned action and going against my values and missing out on life, whether that be from freezing or from indecision and just things passing by And all of that is because the self-concept has become I'm not enough, i'm not worthy.Speaker 1:
And the core wound. You go back to that core wound. That is the foundation of our beliefs And that is why I always say mindset work is not enough. It is the starting point of doing healing work, like the deeper healing work. But yeah, like thanks for confirming that, because that's something I've been working on creating for my community. It's that awareness that mindset work is not enough and there's a lot that people need to understand. I've got so many people that come to me that you know like they're at the very beginning of their money healing journey and they're like I do all this mindset work around money But I feel like even less worthy than where when I started, like everybody in the XYZ group that I mean the mindset group or whatever. Everybody's like, oh my God, affirmations that everybody's doing well, but I'm feeling more and more broken. So let's just put this conversation on the side for a second, because I'm going to tie it back with the next question that I want to ask you, which is talk to us about your giving and receiving cycle. This is something that you I'm going to say that it's not really an invention, but your interpretation of the giving and receiving cycle and the way you talk about. It is quite unique in the industry. So let's talk about that and then circle back to what we were just talking about earlier, about how, when we perceive threat, whether it's an unconscious or subconscious level, it kind of interrupts that giving and receiving cycle, meaning the giving and receiving. Okay, i'm not going to spoil it, i'm going to spoil the arc, but talk a little bit more about the giving and receiving cycle. And how did you come to this like deep understanding of such a cycle?Speaker 2:
Yeah, the giving and receiving cycle is my little brainchild. It is an idea that blossomed into my mind about how energy flows And, if I'm to credit where I got it from, it's amalgamation of anthropology which was my minor in college called the gift something like that, and it's about different cultures and how they give And what does that mean for receiving, and so well as a bunch of other just different points in life, the law of giving, anyway. So the history behind it. But the idea is that we are always in a state of giving energy and receiving energy And there's a flow between those two states. The receiving mode, the receiving energy, is that concept of feminine energy the beingness, listening, absorbing, eating, consuming, being open to energy, yes, and giving mode is its counterpart. It's the concept of masculine energy the doing, the taking action, the adventuring, the speaking, the putting energy out into the world, and that we are these vessels of moving energy. Both we are meant to receive energy, we are meant to give energy And when you've got that flow in between two people, that's connection, that's connectedness. You can even feel it between yourself and art If you go and see a painting that just makes the little goosebumps tickle on the back of your spine, that it's like you are receiving something from that, but you are also giving in that instance, because you are paying attention to it.Speaker 1:
Got it, wow. And we do come from a culture, so our culture is more giving-oriented. Especially as women, we are told that giving is better than receiving, and I'm finding there's a nice shift in the perception of that. It's in that it's good to give and receive both. Yes, have you been noticing that shift too?Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's interesting because I'll either hear that, oh my god, there's a problem with martyrdom and people overgiving, and then I'll hear people like no, everyone's a taker, everyone's just taking, and they're already too far in receiving mode. And that's the thing is that taker energy actually comes from an unhealed giving mode, because you're not putting out into the world something that is in alignment with your values. Therefore, you're feeling this grasping energy that's taking. But if we go all the way back to the beginning of, go deeper back in the cycle, what happens before giving out to the world? it's receiving, receiving inspiration, receiving in connectedness to your life purpose, to the universe, et cetera.Speaker 1:
What I'm hearing is that sometimes we fall into taking mode as opposed to receiving mode when we feel malnourished 100%.Speaker 2:
So when we're meant to survive.Speaker 1:
When we're giving more than we're receiving. So there are now back to the first point that we were making in this interview, in this hangout, which is what disconnects us from receiving, because that connection makes us fall into resentment and that taking energy that we were just talking about. So what, from your perspective, puts us in this disconnection from receiving?Speaker 2:
So I used to say that it was self-worth. But the reality is, is it self-concept? It's how you perceive yourself in this world. How you perceive this world, what is the sense of self that you're functioning off of? Do you believe that you should be, that you're the type of person that gosh trying to come up with examples on the spot is not my specialty But, like, do you believe that you're the type of person that, like you know, yes, give me more work at work? I need to prove that I should be here, because myself concept dictates that I shouldn't be here, that I'm not worthy of being here, that I'm not enough. So I'm going to work really, really, really, really, really hard And I'm receiving extra work without saying, hey yo, boss. Like, i appreciate that you're giving me this extra work, i appreciate that you're recognizing me and my capacity. What's most important to you? because at this space, i did some possible for one person to get all of this done. So what's important for you to have me do Something like that, setting boundaries.Speaker 1:
So the behavior is basically bring, give me more work right, and it's coming from an emotion that's like I'm, i really need to prove my worth here, and that emotion is coming from a belief that I'm only worthy when I'm producing or when I'm dynamic or when I'm, you know, like viewed or validated as worthy by my peers or by my boss. But what, in your opinion, from your experience in life coaching and working with your own clients, what are the core wounds that contribute to such a cycle?Speaker 2:
Those cycles can be born both in childhood, with trauma, whether that be a simple trauma like the education system, which, dear God, i can go on a huge rant with that, but I'm not going to hold it back.Speaker 1:
I mean, no, don't hold it back.Speaker 2:
Okay, small rant about the education system and how it has failed us. You know everything is being graded, everything is. If you're not winning an A, then you are failing, and they literally tell you you are a failure. With a grade F, you are a failure. No, you're not a failure. What if the teacher is a failure for failing to teach them that topic Like who's responsibility is that exactly Replacing so much on a small child that at that point in their development there's so many studies that show that it's so much more beneficial for them to move in their own creative direction and see what's really interesting to them? What do they want to ask questions about? Where do they want their curiosity to flow?Speaker 1:
Okay, Ending rant. Oh no, i think you're bringing a very important point because a lot of times we just bang on ourselves going why am I, why is my self worth so low? Why do I just like wait on others to validate how good or important I am? And it's important to see that sometimes it's not something that you, it's not a decision that you make Like you have never, i don't imagine anyone has woken up and decided when they were kids that I'm just going to be not worthy. That's just, you know, easy. Yeah, sometimes that decision happens subconsciously because it's easier not to be seen, it's easier to kind of like slip under the radar, especially if there's emotional or physical or other kinds of abuse at home. However, sometimes it's the system And I agree with you like that system of you're a winner, you're a failure. Like, how many times have I come home with good grades And my dad would literally ask me how much did blah blah? like what was blah blah is great. You know one of my friends just to compare me straight away, like I'd be 90, who got a 99? Oh well, sorry, like I mean, i just go back to my room deflated, you come home excited about that. But then I know right. But that validation of like I got a good grade, meaning I'm a good girl, meaning then the whole cycle of like dad, can I have this Only if you get good grades?Speaker 2:
conditional love, right, and so it's not necessarily yeah how do you internalize that as a?Speaker 1:
Like we are when we're children. We have very limited maturity, very limited emotional tools, and that is the core of our beliefs. So that's why I always say you didn't have to have like a traumatizing, crazy dramatic childhood trauma or like situation to cause childhood trauma. Trauma is basically what you did and didn't receive in childhood. And if you didn't receive condition, like unconditional love, and didn't receive that those nuanced elements that are so important for your development and for your sense of self concept, as you put it that is also traumatizing. And obviously we're not going to gloss over the fact that there are some really traumatic events that happen that create a lack of self worth or deficiency in self worth and self concept. you know, like having a parent that works all the time or a parent that abuses you or a parent that literally tells you you're a piece of crap. And I had that. I have had my father tell me that as long as I'm my mother's daughter I'll be a piece of crap. So I mean, what do you think that did to me as a child? That that was really crap. You know it's really painful And everything that I work on really boils down to that piece, that core wound of like, why did my dad say that to me? Why did he was? is he like, why did he do that? You know, like that confusion from a child, even as a 41 year old, i sometimes go there. I sometimes like just find myself just grappling with, like why am I feeling this way? And then it just goes back to that. Because, yes, we heal, yes, we do the work, but it's healing doesn't really erase your past. What it does is that it changes your relationship to your past. Your past no longer is, no longer overshadows your present or your future, but you, you befriend it and you also extract the lessons and the purpose from it. Because, like I said earlier, i'm a big believer that our purpose lies in our trauma, when it's sifted through and healed properly, not bypassing no, in a way that's bypassing, or you know. So yeah, that's my rent.Speaker 2:
I'm so glad that you shared that It's it's it's so important to recognize, like those moments in childhood, like whether you're doing it with your money wounds or with your love life or whatever it is, whatever you're using is the healing mechanism, because it's like you know, when we experience shame, it's like our soul splits in two and part of our soul gets oh, that's the part of you that's like, oh, too much like your mother, nadine, too much like your mother. Let's shove that deep down into your shadow and not down. But hey, wait, that's where the gold lies.Speaker 1:
So I know like coming back up your like, oh sorry. Oh go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, no, like the thing that was, my dad used to complain too much. Like the most about is that my mom is very passionate and loud and like boisterous and like just passionate, and I'm the same and he would be like too much like you said too much, like your mother. I know that's what I'm going to say like. This is what everybody loves about me.Speaker 2:
It's how expressive and passionate I am, yeah, and you can even see it like you could see it in you, nads, that like, as you're just being you in this moment, in this expression of your full self, without it just being shoved down deep into your shadow, it's like it's like skiing, almost, where you're not thinking like am I worthy enough to like laugh like this? Am? I worthy enough to like do anything, and it's beautiful.Speaker 1:
The funny thing is that just what you were mentioning earlier is that how you enter? what gateway or window do you use to enter that corvun? because that showed up also when I was single. So I was married and then I was divorced, thank God, and I was chronically single for five years until Tommy came along. But during these five years somebody told me that I had to dilute myself and my passion passionate. you know outbursts, let's say so that Mr Wright will find me. and I'm like here we go again. and I knew better. I was like fuck that.Speaker 2:
And somebody even told me.Speaker 1:
You know, nadine, you spend too much time doing circus and going to rock shows. You're not going to find the person you want over there. I did.Speaker 2:
Exactly, exactly, but it's like who's Mr Wright, the person who is guiding you, and like guiding you towards their Mr Wright, or like you actually being connected, bringing it back to connection to yourself, to your heart, and like allowing yourself to be your UEist you, and that's what I mean by self concept as opposed to self work. Ueist you Yes, all of my clients say some of this training that's like if you don't know what goal to aim for, aim for being your UEist you, because that's like the key of it all, because you know what's happening with any of this shame or trauma response is that we're shutting down parts of ourselves and the full, varied self, the UEist you, is what is here to shine. It's what's always been here to shine. There's just certain parts that have been rejected, that get to come back to connection and be connected.Speaker 1:
Yeah, and the thing is like the more safety you feel, whether you're in a program with a coach or whether you're in a situation or a relationship where you feel safe. And I don't mean, like you know, the doors are locked, and like like I don't mean literal safety, that is obviously very important, like having financial security, food on the table, a safe house, clean, all of that. But what I mean is intrinsically viscerally safe Once that happens. And it's such a nuanced thing because it's not about working with a therapist that has a bunch of letters after their name These are great but it's about the chemistry between you and the person. Like I've had way more success working with mentors and coaches than therapists, because I've always seen as this person has walked down the trenches, down the darkest tunnels that I'm walking in right now They haven't learned it from a book and, sitting on their chair and telling me what to do, like I feel like a coach or a mentor is actually walking next to me holding my hand through it or just offering that first hand guidance and experience. And the other thing is I was going somewhere with this, yes, that the visceral feeling of safety. So once you feel safe, your your shadows, like your parts of you that are in the shadows, will start coming out to heal. Like when I first entered my very first secure relationship, which is with my partner now, oh my God, the first six months I don't know what was going on with me. Like things came out that my insecurities, my jealousies, my, my, my, what my mom would call my ugly I never call it that, but like that all came out and I was like why? And I always I didn't know what it was. I knew it was because Tommy made me feel good And I just didn't understand. Until later on I realized that this stuff needed to come out and needed to be seen and needed to be loved. It needed love. That's what it needs, and that's the thing When we're in our shadows. we need more love. And feel like we're going to be loved unconditionally by our partner or our co-regulating, co-regulating buddies, or your coach, or your mentor or your therapist.Speaker 2:
you know that is when it comes out to be loved 100% What you said about making sure that the mentor is someone who you feel connected to. I think one of the core things there that that relates to this like self concept, worthiness thing, is that if you've seen someone who has walked your path, then you have more like your mind's like, oh it's, it's possible. So some of the struggle that I have with, like when I was in therapy, am I able to share my stuff? You good with it? Yeah, of course. Okay, cool, we're that kind of crap. So I'm a rape survivor And when I went to therapy for that, the person who's my therapist respect him, love him, however, not the right therapist for me, and I acknowledge that now, in part because it wasn't like my mind could not attach to the idea that healing from this was possible, because he was a man who, to my understanding, had never experienced rape, had never even experienced sexual assault, to my understanding, and and so for me it was like, oh, i don't know if this is possible for me to heal. And when you want something that you feel is it possible, then what happens? Powerlessness which develops into helplessness, which develops into hopelessness, which take that a step further full blown depression, and so so why it's so important to connect to someone who is a safe space, has walked your path or creates that possibility for you if they maybe have an adjacent path that like still feels connected. It's like that allows you to reclaim your creative power, so that you have power such that you're not going down the helplessness, hopelessness, depression track.Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's so important to show your nervous system that it's possible and show the part of you you know like that, even if it's that one or 2% of you that doesn't believe every time you fall in that disbelief spiral. You can show that part of you that look, blah, blah, did it and it's possible and it's safe to do it, Because sometimes when we're, when we have had trauma like this, even safety doesn't feel safe to trust because what if it goes away? what if I'm not worthy of it, right? So, yeah, having someone that is there in the 3d world as an expander or even as somebody that holds the vision for us. And that's what I like about coaches and mentors, especially in this coaching industry that we're all in and the personal development world, is that they share their parts, their past, they share the paths in which they walked and, you know, succeeded through walking through. Because in therapy I don't I've worked with lots of therapists but I've never, I never knew what they went through, Right, Like I never had that connection of like you know what I mean And it kind of puts a wall and always put a wall, or like this icy board between me and them, because I don't know if they're judging me. I don't know if they know exactly what they mean, Whereas when I'm working with someone that has literally been crying on the kitchen floor at two in the morning three years ago from the exact same thing that I'm going through right now, It's still in their body, it's still in their cells They know exactly what I'm talking about. They're the people that won't lecture me and tell me this is how you're supposed to feel. These are the people that are like yeah, it sucks, Yeah, it sucks, And we can hold space for that suckiness.Speaker 2:
And I think that the beautiful thing about that is like so, when, when, when we're feeling like low self worth, that kind of feeling state where we're not having confidence, we're feeling like it's not possible, having someone who's modeling that, that that there is something that's possible, even if I don't feel confident right now, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, can be really powerful, and it's like like we each get to find our son. Let me place this in a metaphor. So, right now, wherever you are, is the sun out? Some of you are going to say yes, some of you are going to say no, yeah, kind of maybe overcast. You know How hot is the sun. Is the sun a different temperature, because you're feeling it right now at that temperature, or is it staying the same? It stays the same, i would say, yeah, it stays the same.Speaker 1:
It's just whatever between you and the sun is.Speaker 2:
Yeah, and so it's like the core of worthiness, the core of the possibility of healing and blossoming into something else is a lot like the sun that it's always there. It's just a matter of what's in between you.Speaker 1:
Yeah, i liken this to this graphic that I it's a very, you know, simple graphic that I share with my clients which is your trauma and your wounding and your shadows are like an umbrella that just is protecting you from the elements, and sometimes the elements are the actual abundance that you're seeking, but you're in protective mode, going back to survival mode and the nervous system and all of that. That's what cuts you from connection, that's what cuts you from receiving, and it's not something that you can fix, it's not something that you can affirm your way out of, it is something that you heal. That is the only word that I can use I mean I can go on Word Hippo and find derivatives or like other words that sound like healing, but it really is healing because there's no fixing, there's nothing wrong with you. You can't fix yourself. And going back to the Uiest, you I mean I've been living in Australia for the past year and we chuck a UI when we do a U-turn. We chuck a UI, and that's something I also tell people if you're lost, chuck a UI, go back to yourself. That's a mantra that we can leave people with. Today is like if you're feeling lost, just chuck a UI, because you're going back to you. Go back to your origins, go back to your values, go back to your purpose, go back to what turns you on. Whatever it is, it doesn't need to be something productive Just go back to that space of safety that is within you. Anchor within, even if it's just like feeling safe looking at your dog's eyes or looking at an array of sunlight, the way it falls through the window And anchor through that safety and feel what it feels like in your body. Make it more of a somatic experience of like expanding that safety from wherever you feel it. Let's say you feel it in your abdominal area. Anchor in, feel the texture of that warmth, feel the colors and try to expand it through your body, because that is the security and the fulfillment there You're always chasing, from outside of you, always within, and the knowing and the wisdom that you're seeking, even when you're hiring out, is always within you. And please, just hire someone that takes you back to yourself, that asks you to chuck a UI, not somebody that's pretending or like marketing to you that they're going to save you or that they're the guru for you, because guru is who takes you from darkness to light, and that is your job. You are the only person that can take you from darkness to light. Yes, you might need some hand holding, yes, you might need a guide And, like we said earlier, you might need somebody to hold that flashlight for you while you're navigating your shadows in the darkness, but ultimately it's you.Speaker 2:
So, yeah, I love that 100%.Speaker 1:
So that's my kind of my pet peeve these days about being in the coaching of personal development world People that are either telling you that mindset work is enough and or people that tell you that, like slam on your pain points but then tell you they're the guru, they're the person that will get you out of the pain points. What's your pet peeve these days? because there's so much out there, i mean just gosh.Speaker 2:
Honestly one of my new honestly, honestly is is the idea that you can grow self worth. That used to be like self worth was my domain, but I actually don't believe anymore that you can grow self worth. Yeah let's more. Shall I go further on this, of course. So the goal isn't to become worthy. The goal I don't want my clients to feel worthy. Why would I want them to feel worthy? before all this shit happened, you didn't even question worthiness. Wait, you're laughing at me. Why are you laughing so hard?Speaker 1:
I love what you're saying, keep going. It's tickling my good parts, so go.Speaker 2:
You should see Nads this space right now. She's like bright red with laughter. So you know I had to ask. It's happiness, yeah. So, like I don't want my clients to be worthy, what I want for them, what I intend for them with working with them, is for them to flow through life, honoring their values, moving with their giving and receiving cycle which, back to the skiing metaphor, is like skiing. I want them to feel like. I want them to feel like they're skiing down the most powdery, fresh snow in the most lush forest, with the smell of pine trees and cinnamon filling the air. Because when someone's actually like in a healthy state of nervous system regulation, you're not questioning Oh shit, am I worthy of taking this turn with this, with my skis like ah.Speaker 1:
I don't know. It doesn't, it doesn't You're in? the moment right, Like you're connected. Connection happens in the present and disconnection or dysregulation that breaks you from the present, and that's when you start questioning your worth or questioning your like being an imposter or a slew of other things you know. So the question is like and that's not to you, gemma, that's to everyone listening like how can you cultivate that self awareness where you know that the moment when you kind of break free from that connectedness within yourself, from that regulated state, okay So, and like, just to give you a hint, it usually ties back to self worth, to solid, not self worth, that's your thing. It goes back to childhood, right, like what so I can share from me? like, if I feel like whatever I'm doing is going to isolate me from people, because a lot of my messages are not what the mainstream financial or money coaching people share, i'm a little bit different and that's my mission is to raise awareness in a different way. Every time I feel like I'm putting something out there that's going to isolate me or make me put me under scrutiny, i feel threatened because that is my core wound, which is abandonment. So I know that I'm onto something actually. So it's double sided One I'm like, oh shit, i feel disconnected, i feel I don't know if I can do this. This is really hard, and the other part of me is always parts of you were not like just one, and another part of me is like you're onto something. If it scares you, you're onto something. But we don't override the fear. We work with it because it's an opportunity in a window to do further healing right. But it's always something like it's always this juicy bit where I'm like huh. So my nervous system knows that I'm onto something Awesome.Speaker 2:
Yeah, the little radar is going off Hey.Speaker 1:
Yeah, so, gemma, any parting words or parting wisdom or thinking prompts that you would like to leave our audience with today?Speaker 2:
Yeah, I would love to share a metaphor. Go. This metaphor is called the plank board metaphor, And so, yes, the plank board metaphor from RRT. And so if you think about a plank board that's on your carpet right now it's like one foot wide by 10 feet long How would you feel walking across it Easy If it's? on the floor, probably you'd feel like it's easy, it's on the floor, you're not going to fall off, it's not dangerous, it's not, you know, life threatening. But now if you take that same exact plank board and you put it up on two ladders that are, let's say, 10 feet high, how would it feel walking across that board A little bit more Exactly? And so what this is a metaphor of is that in life, when something is super important to you, you get to bring the plank board back down on the carpet, because the mind sees when you raise something in importance, it also sees danger. Think about any warning label you get for like any electronic device, like a hairdryer or something It says like important, and it doesn't say have fun with this hairdryer, it's super cool, yeah, it says important, warning danger And she'll die if you death. Do not do this Death. Be upon thee. And so when we raise something in importance, we are also raising the danger level to our subconscious mind and the nervous system can get triggered more easily. And so how do you bring it back down to earth? Well, what was supporting it when it was way up high there? So sometimes when we place something in high importance up in the air, something that we really want to accomplish with that's a money goal, maybe an artistic goal that feels like it's a big deal Like for me. I used to do this with acting. I got to make it as an actor. What's happening is it's only supported by those two ladders. So the goal is to bring the plank board back down to the carpet, regulate the nervous system, bring it back to the carpet by having more support, and so what I want to leave with you, leave you with is to become attuned to where you're rejecting support, where are you not asking for support? What's the story that you're making up that you got to do it on your own? Because the reality is, is that connection? when we have the combined power of connection, so much more becomes possible, so much more becomes achievable.Speaker 1:
We're not supposed to be doing, we're not meant to be doing all this on our own. So thanks, gemma. Where can people find you?Speaker 2:
People can find me on Instagram. On Instagram, i have a private Instagram group. I call it a group just because to me that's how I treat it, and my handle is at Gemma. Verified And same name, same website. If you want something free and fun, i've got a meditation on there that is free and fun on the main page.Speaker 1:
I love your meditations, thank you, i love, i love creating that. Yeah, i'll pop the link in. Great, yeah, cool, all right, everyone. you can find Gemma on her Instagram, gemma Verified, and on our website, gemma Verified, and I highly recommend any meditation that Gemma puts out because they're really great. She's got this voice, she's got the voice. Why? Thank you, my love Again, gemma. Thank you so much for being here, thank you for sharing your wisdom and sharing openly and so vulnerably, and thanks everyone for tuning in And I will see you all next week on the Money Healing Podcast.